Christmas is Fast Approaching

With Christmas approaching, our thoughts turn to family, those who are here to celebrate with, and those who are no longer here. Christmas was a special time for both my mother and my father, probably more so for my father. And for this reason, more than thirty years since his passing, we continue to have the same foods for our Xmas Eve family dinner that were his favourite. They include Rolladen (this is still a favourite of everyone), pickled red cabbage, cooked garlic sausage, potato salad and pickled herring. We have added other favourites of ours like brussell sprouts, mashed yams, ham and a salad. Growing up we celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve but as everyone married and each compromised their family traditions, the celebration was changed to Christmas Day. But in the last 7 or 8 years we have created a new tradition which seems to work for our family. Christmas Eve is celebrated at my house with the whole family attending with the children opening up their gifts from grandparents on this side of the family and from their aunts, uncles and cousins. And this is when we have our traditional Christmas Eve dinner. On Christmas Day each family celebrate Christmas with their spouse's side of the family and I celebrate Christmas Day with one of my sons. In January, 2000, I decided to write letters to my mother, each of my children and to whichever grandchildren were born at that time. I put them into a metal box with the intention of opening the letters in 2020. My mother also wrote letters to my children and her grandchildren as well as one to me. In 2010, I again wrote letters to everyone, adding the grandchildren that had been born since. Also included in my metal time box are the annual family newsletters I write which gives the highlights of the family's activities for the year as well as pictures. Unfortunately, my mother didn't get to read her letter from me. I feel bad about that. At the last family function, I mentioned the letters and asked when the family would like to read their letters from Granny. They all decided on this Christmas Eve. I also asked if anyone wanted to add their own letters to the box to be opened up in 2020. I was glad to hear that several wanted to do this. Christmas definitely is a time to spend with family loved ones and to remember those who are sadly no longer with us.

A Second Anniversary - An In-Memory Get Together for Mom/Gran

This anniversary of Mom/Gran's passing was hosted by my nephew, Greg, at his home by a barbeque with tons of food, everything Gran would have enjoyed. We didn't have races or games this time but sat in a large semi-circle and talked and bonded since with everyone's busy lifestyle, getting together with grown nieces and nephews is sometimes difficult. Gran would've been delighted.

Because the reunion was on the 26th of August and Gran's birthday was on the 27th, we had a birthday cake, complete with candles, which my brother and I blew out in honour of Gran's birthday. Birthdays were a big thing for her, always eagerly looked forward to and celebrated in a big way. I usually had her birthday dinners at my place but occasionally we did something different. On her 80th birthday we rented a hall at the beach; on her 85th birthday, she rode my nephew's Harley-Davidson motorcycle; one birthday we went to Disneyland (with grandkids in tow); and on another occasion, a room was rented to accommodate more guests.

Christmas was also an eagerly anticipated occasion but her birthdays were, by far, what she enjoyed the most. And that is why we honour her memory at the time of her birthday. To Mom/Gran, you are in our thoughts.

Sadly, we have never done this for my father. When he passed, many years ago, I was a young single, working mother of five children with no time, resources or energy to organize something to remember him although no one would ever forget him. His birthday wasn't a good time either being the day after Christmas. His favourite time of the year was Christmas though and we often speak of him with loving thoughts during the year but always during that season.

He was a fantastic father, a great husband and a wonderful man. Even those grandchildren who were very young when he died, remember Grandpa and the things he did with them. He enjoyed children and always had something special for them when they came to visit. And he was always interested in them. My son who was only three when he died followed him everywhere. He adored his Grandpa. And so to my dear father, who has been such a huge loss in all of our lives, I say you are also thought of with love.

An Anniversary Approaches

The first anniversary of the day my mother died is approaching. Where has the time gone? We talk often of Mom/Gran and remember the way she did things, and remember when she was part of Christmas, birthdays and other celebrations. It is strange how grief and sorrow can come suddenly when it is least expected - a sudden thought, a memory out of the blue, a remark made or a look at the calendar. I was writing a short story today and felt suddenly very tear-eyed. It was about a young man whose father was dying. I mentioned to a friend that I was crying while I was writing it - 'Imagine crying at your own story!'. I realized then it was probably because the anniversary was approaching and it's been almost a whole year since my mother left us. I thought then of my father too which renewed my tears although it has been many years since he has passed, I miss him no less. I think no matter what our ages, we never get over the loss of our parents. And as I write this, the tears begin to fall again. To my mom and dad, I will love you always.